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August 7, 1998     The Message
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August 7, 1998

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1998 The Message -- for Catholics of Southwestern Indiana 13 JIM and ANN CAVERA When we started this column in September of to find a title that would reflect the in our lives. Today, we have children who have established homes in All of our parenting skills are focused lucky fifteen year old daughter we still eat home. At the same time we are coping'with who live in a house down the of buying formula and diapers for our Ensure and Depends for Grandma and this God's way of reminding us that we are not in charge? Time is a precious gift and we don't toss it about lightly, anymore. Years ago a Christian professor spoke about how we start to die on the day we are born. We nodded our heads in agreement with his astute obsei'vation. Our minds acknowledged his point of view, but our hearts weren't the least bit troubled. We saw a vast ocean of time before us and Death appeared to be asleep beyond a distant horizon. Only in the Second Half did we begin to comprehend how quickly the ocean is crossed and how seldom Death sleeps. We get an increasing number of phone calls from friends and family with news of sickness and requests for prayer. One person told us that h e keeps a sepa- rate calendar for prayer requests to help bring names to mind so that he can turn them over to God. As we begin closing in on God, useless attachments fall away so that we can grapple with the basic issues of life. We find ourselves making space only for the things we value the most. Short walks in the evening, visits with children and friends, home-cooked meals, good books, beautiful music and simple liturgies are priori- ties on our Second Half list. The closer we get to God, the simpler our needs become. To a younger generation, this sorting out, tossing away, slowing down process must make it seem as though we are losing ground. Instead, our feet are more firmly planted on the only ground that really matters. We are in a better position to hear our Father's voice through the call of the Spirit. We have crossed a good portion of the ocean of time and most of us have had a chance to shake Death's hand at least once or h vice. Beyond the horizon we see only a strong, sure, perfect light. It's quite a peaceable jour- ney; to be closing in on God. Jim and Ann Cavera t Jim and Ann Cavera live and work in Evansville. Their column is a regular feature of the Message. ministers explore effect of ministry on marriage 2s another in a series parish present." By JOSEPH YOUNG Catholic News Service Minn. S)  Dealing with other )ectations -- from and pastors to is just (me of the es faced by Catholic involved in church according to speak- a national conference of of ministries on "is a topic still not talked about in most cir- in the church," said Brian chief administrative of the Archdiocese of Louisville, Ky., during a work- shop titled "Married and Minis- tering: Balancing Marriage, Family and Ministry,." Reynolds and Marti R. Jewell, director of the Office of Ministry and Spirituality in the Louisville Archdiocese, conducted the workshop at the 22nd annual gathering of the Chicago-based National Association for Lay Ministry,. The conference was held May 28-31 in Bloomington. Since 1995, Reynolds and Jew- ell have explored the same topic with couples on retreat. And they conduct a similar work- shop as part of the curriculum of Louisville's permanent dia- conate program. "Marriage and ministries sometimes clash," Jewell said. "There are certain expectations we place on ourselves and our families, and that others place on us too." For example, she observed, people assume that a parish director of religious education has the perfect family and mar- riage. "We are a church of married ministers," she continued, "and our marriages are similar to any- one else's, yet there are differ- ences. There are particular ten- sions that can arise when one spouse works for the church and the other doesn't." The workshops Reynolds and Jewell conduct in Kentucky teach skills in communication, intimacy; and how to balance time as well as work and famil): CN00, ATTENT.ION GIVEN TO 00[NVESTING 800NCE 18M. The world has changed dramatically since 1854, but our basic business has not: to inform and advise you of investment opportunities. We believe that the better informed you are, the better you will enjoy your investment experience. Therefore, it is in our best interest to keep you informed of all the latest financial information and opportunties. If you.have questions about our investments or financial situation, please cau us for reliable, honest answers. 329 Main SL Evansville, IN 4?708 (812) 426-1481 (888) 426-1481 , Hlti . ,I.I.B. HilIiard, W.Ltyo,., Member tCV3Eand SIPC 7 h.p:/lwww.hitliardcom inveshiUird.corn lhiliard Lyons 19S Couples are invited to make opportunities to talk with each other, Reynolds said, then to reflect on how they talk. They discuss "God talk" -- how often God enters into their conversa- tions, in both positive and nega- tive ways. "One spouse might say; for example, 'You have to go to another meeting?' and the other might reply, 'Yes, God wants me to,"' said Reynolds. "As for intimacy, it requires enrichment and practice  and romance," he added. "At our retreats we make couples dance and write love letters to each other." Couples also reflect on how scriptural passages about Christ's life, death and resurrec- tion correspond to their own marriage and ministry. They' share specific instances when they have experienced jo.,; felt worn out, or experienced a mir- acle  first in their marriages, then in their ministries. In everyday life, the speakers noted, feelings of joy and fatigue, burnout and ecstasy are often closely juxtaposed. "Say your ministry is at a chil- dren's hospice," said ]ewell. "How do you attend to the needs of a dying child, then go home to your own child's birth- day part),?" Workshop participants were invited to share how being mar- I , PHARMACY' straunan's mmrm00 ] City-Wide Deiive - ! 413 Locus= StreeL JIIIP 1 425-5293 ried helps their nlinistries, how they nurture their marriages and ministries, and the challenges they face. One woman said she and her spouse post love notes to each other on their computer screen saver; another couple does the same via telephone voice mail, Others take long walks and day and weekend getaways with spouses. A music director at a Min- ne_ota parish >aid his wife, a professional singer, also knows the parish very' well. "We have a tendency to hash out and try to soh'e all the church's prob- lems at home," he said. A parish volunteer who is now in a ministry formation program at the College of St. " Benedict in St. Joseph, Minn., said her husband is very sup- portive of her studies. But, she said, "Whenever anyone under- gc:s a life change, as I am, there is ahvays a wor W that you might grow apart in your rela- tionship." Others said marriages can and do withstand tensions brought about by spout's growing spir- itually at a different rate. One woman described a mar- riage prayer strategically placed on tl'ie bathroom mirror. "One of its blessings says to allow each other to grow," she said. "It's OK for my spouse to be in a dif- ferent spiritual place than I am." Please Support Message Advertisers PAUL'S Pl00CY Paul Mayer, 2345 W. Oak Hill Pha Hwy, 152 and N. Weil Ave. LARRY SCNULTHEIS PgO. 425-4422 Plaza