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June 21, 1996     The Message
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The Message -- for Catholics of Southwestern Indiana -- Taking the time to make a difference- Questions and answers don"t always match She said he was moody. He said she was enthusiastic. They were speaking about communication to a group of cou- ples preparing for marriage. Their comments were part of a afternoon program, featuring several couples discussing various aspects of their married life. Here is more of what he and she had to say about each other, and their different habits and styles of communication. She said he was moody and that conversation with him was challenging at times, when he would spend two, three, even five minutes in silence before responding. He agreed with that assessment. He said that, for example, she might ask him something as sim- ple as, "How are you?" He would begin to wonder what she really wanted to find out -- how he was physically, or whether he felt eager to do something together as a couple, or if he felt sensible after hav- ing had a few beers. So, he continued, while he pon- dered what the question really meant, he was quiet, and it took several minutes to come up with an an- swer. There were smiles in the crowd as the couple described how tough it was to have a conversation with someone who couldn't decide bow to answer a By PAUL R. LEINGANG EDITOR simple question without pondering -- Trust and confidence in each other. -- Time spent regularly in communication with its deeper meaning. She, on the other hand, he said, was always quick to answer a ques- tion, even if it was a question that had not been asked. There were some smiles in the crowd at this point too. He described a scene of marital communication, in the car, on the way to someone's house. As they ap- proach an intersection, he asks, "What street is this?" She responds immediately, "You turn at the next intersection." She answers a question that has not been asked, trying to be helpful. The communications talk also included a sec- tion on "Six ingredients.for in-depth communica- tion." ",, A desire to love and to know more about each other, such as many couples experience when they first start dating. That is the time they can't seem to get enough of listening to each other. -- An ability to accept oneself. The two can't "become one" if there aren't two complete ones there to begin with. Acceptance of each other's feelings as nei- ther right nor wrong, even if the partners don't feel the same way. each other. -- An ability to listen, to hear what the other has : to say, without preparing to respond before the other has had a chance for complete and Some couples uses technique of w00tingdo00; their thoughts and feelings about a topic, ano - reading each other's comments Writing is difficult for some, but many consider it worth the effort. --k Some families make sure that one meal a wee is spent by all the members, together. . ,- Find out what kind 0fcommunication worKS mr people you know If you can do so without seeming to pry into their privacy, ask them when they talk about the important things in their lives. .. Take the time to discuss the examples in thls column with someone you love. Take the time to find out what preparation available in your church or congregation, for who are planning marriage. Find out how you be of assistance, or how you can take what is offered, time to spend Take the time today to make the with others in your family, or with the people you love. Comments about this column are prleing@cfm.org or the Christian Family P.O. Box 272, Ames, Iowa 50010. Washington Pro-life Democrats work quietly at getting a place in the p By PATRICIA ZAPOR Robert Casey of Pennsylvania but doors to accommodation Democrats share our views and Hall. "The door is Catholic News Service WASHINGTON (CNS) -- Four years after firmly staking out opposite extremes on abor- tion in party platforms, Democrats and Republicans are both moving toward accom- modating differing opinions on the volatile issue. Republican presumptive nominee Bob Dole generated controversy in early June when he said he would include a "declaration of tolerance of differing views about abortion in the GOP platform, which will continue to advocate a human life amendment to the Constitution and oppose fed- eral funding of abortion. Meanwhile, pro-life Democrats have been working quietly be- hind the scenes to secure word- ing in the platform that would affirm their right to disagree with the party's support for legal abortion. Four years ago, Democrats who oppose abortion felt shut out and ignored in platform discussions and by organizers' refusal to permit then-Gov. The MESSAGE 4200 N. Kentucky Ave. Evansville, IN 47711 Weekly newspaper of the Diocese of Evansville Published weekly except last week in December by the Catholic Press of Evansville Publisher .............. Bishep Gerald A. Gettelfinger Editor ....................................... Paul R. Leingang Production Technician ................ Joseph Dietrich Advertising .................................... Paul Newland Staff Writer ............................. Mary Ann Hughes Address all communications to P.O. Box 4169, Evanswle, IN 47724-0169 Subscription rate: $17.50 per year Single Copy Price: $.50 Entered as periodical matter at the post office in Evansville, IN 47701. Publication number 843800. Postmaster: Return POD forms 3579 to Office of Publication t t995 Cat,c-Pr.-s of Evansw;;.: to address the convention. Casey was and is a vocal advo- cate of moderating the Demo- cratic Party's stance on abor- tion. Since then, polls have made it clear that Democrats as well as Republicans have lost some of their long-term supporters because of rigidity over abor- tion. Neither party is likely to dramatically shift its position, that had been closed are at least being cracked open. Ten pro-life Democrats met with DemocraticNational Committee chairman Donald Fowler June 12 to discuss how to include their views about abortion in the party platform. "We believe that the Demo- cratic Party is committed to continuing discussions and rec- ognizes that millions of support the party," said a state- ment from the group issued by Rep. Tony Hall, D-Ohio. In a phone interview with Catholic News Service, Hall said the pro-life contingent has been reluctant to make their efforts public because discus- sions with party leaders have been friendly and productive. "We're working on language that might be acceptable," said Taking a stand for kneeling To the editor:. I would like to respectfully respond to Father William J. Deering on the issue of kneel- ing vs. standing during the consecration of the Holy Eu charist at Mass (Letters, May 17). With Vatican approval the U.S. Bishops in both 1969 and 1995 decreed as a norm that people are to "kneel beginning after the Sanctus- (the "Holy, Holy, Holy") until after the Amen of the Eucharistic prayer, that is, before the Lord's prayer" (U.S. appendix to the General Instruction: of the Roman Missal, no. 21). In arguing for standing dur- ing the consecration, Father Deering first notes that the General Instruction allows for exceptions to kneeling -- "lack of space, the number of people present or some other good reason" -- and says that the U.S. bishops did not repeal those exceptions. He then says that "standing is the basic pos- ture of an Easter people," adding that "standing is the posture for Praise, and the Eu- charistic Prayet? is a Praise Prayer." Father Deering also cites Eucharstic Prayers I and II, which mention standing. But an exception that be- comes the norm ceases to be an "exception." And, in various places in the country, standing during the consecration has in practice become the norm, clearly flouting the Vatican-ap- proved decree of the U. S. bish- ops. And if the U. S. bishops wanted to issue an Easter norm of standing during the consecration, they could have clearly noted that in their 1995 reconsideration of the issue. But they did not. Standing is indeed a posture of praise but not necessarily the posture of praise. Rather, kneeling or lying prostrate is traditionally associated with the most solemn form of wor- ship. St. Paul conveys this in Phil. 2 9-11. But the best ex- ample is St. John's description of how heavenly creatures par- ticipate in the heavenly liturgy (i.e., the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass as experienced in heaven) by paying tribute to Jesus, the Paschal Lamb who was slain. Whenever glory and honor is given to the Lamb, the elders "fall down . . . and wor- ship him wtio lives tbrever and ever" tRey. 4:9-11 and 5:11-14). I think the U.S. bishops un- derstood this spiritual heritage when they issued their norm on kneeling tbr the consecra- tion, and I would urge all con- cerned to ponder the truly awe- some splendor of encountering the Risen Lord at Mass in the Eucharist. St. John himself fell down as if he were dead upon encountering the risen Christ (Rev. 1:2-18). Further, there is the issue of obedience. Whether in doctri- nal or disciplinary matters, we should show obedience to legiti- mate Church authorities (cf. 1 Tim. 3:15 and Mt. 16:18-19). See LETTERS page 5 We're trying to n public." Michigan Barcia said the results of m! party leaders accommodation can before the platfor convenes in July. , The general ia wording bei recognition eludes members ing who oppose legal abortion ual members of censure, sciences in B "The polls cent of DemOC themselves cia. "And the has hist0rlc sons of all Barcia and who oppose not only al own party, ere who preS Democrat to abortion. "When the says it' See Bishop's sch The following activities and events are list, : schedule of Bishop Gerald A. Gettelfinger: : Presb} B' St. Mary Church, Center, Friday: June 28, 3 pim, Diocesan Pastoral Center, Saturday, June 29, 8