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February 21, 1997     The Message
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February 21, 1997

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8 The Message m for Catholics of Southwestern Indiana m On the Record-- When two stop seeing each other DON'T SPEAK You and me/We used to be together/Everyday together always I really feel/I'm losing my best friend/I can't believe/This could be the end It looks as though you're letting go/And if it's real/Well I really want to know REFRAIN Don't speak/I know just what you're saying/So please stop explaining/Don't tell me 'cause it hurts/Don't speak/I know what you're think- ing/I don't need your reasons/Don't tell me 'cause it hurts Our memories/They can be inviting/But some are altogether/Mighty frightening As we die both you and me/With my head in my hands/I sit and cry (REPEAT REFRAIN) It's all ending/I gotta stop pretending who we are/You and me/I can see dying.., are we (REPEAT REFRAIN) Written by Eric Stefani/Gwen Stefani Sung by No Doubt Copyright (c) 1995 by Knock would like to discuss his or her Yourself Out Music (ASCAP) No Doubt's "Tragic Kingdom" is one of rock's hottest discs. Off this CD is their current hit single "Don't Speak." The song describes a person's feelings as a romance ends. She states: "I really feel I'm losing my best friend; I can't believe this could be the end." Yet, she realizes that "I gotta stop pretending who we are." She doesn't want to talk about why the separa- tion is occurring. She tells her guy: "Don't speak; I know just what you're saying, so please stop explaining." She adds: "I don't need your reasons; don't tell me 'cause it hurts." She is probably right. It is too soon to talk as her hurtful feelings would block the ability to lis- ten. No one profits from a conversation in which lots of anger and blame are exchanged. Instead, she should allow her friends to help her past the hurts. After time has passed and each person is no longer so vulnerable, dialogue together could be valu- able. She could learn more about relationships. This should only happen when real listening is possible, blame is forsaken and defensiveness can be avoided. In short, such a conversation requires substan- tial maturity. If she is not ready to listen and speak with this type of openness, she shouldn't attempt it. If you are a youth in a similar situation and you want to attempt this dialogue, consider these guidelines: 1. Contact the other person. Explain that you are not trying to rekindle the romance. Yet, you happened. If the person shows li talk, thank the other for c and then drop it. 2. If the other individual does agree, a "common ground" place to meet. Set s for the discussion, certainly no 3. Come prepared to ask not argue with whatever the other it may be helpful to ask for clarifications, debate. Listening does not mean with what is shared, only that understand the other person's 4. Ask the other person to name he or she liked best about you. aspects of the past relationship that were ! ficult for him or her. Clearly, asking such takes courage, but what you learn may eating if you keep it in perspective show respect for yourself. It isn't your goal to become someone "redesign" yourself along lines the gests. What you learn may simply be really aren't meant for each other. : 5. If at any point the other down or becomes verbally abusive, conversation and walk away. There is no be reinjured. 6. Ask God to assist you in assessing t important information and using it (Your comments are always address: Charlie Martin, RR 3, Box IN 47635.) Current c apsul movies" II  leader (Timothy Dalton), with haste because she became preg- 'rhe Pest" (TriStar) THE CATHOLIC  predictable results. Directed by nant on the night they met. Annoying comedy in which a framamn nKur^-t'n,s,J  Ken Kwapis, the lightweight While director Andy Tennant's hyperactive Hispanic crook (John v,J,v,,wu,,,.,,, nv, !:; ...... g, ........  proceedings are generally nurth,- sweet romantic comedy is too Leguizamo) is hunted by a lunatic .p,ctlYH-',etlLN  less and depend entirely, on ones sentimental, it errs on the side German (Jeffrey Jones) who  tolerance for the star s nasal of an earnest couple striving to mounts human heads of assorted .L".I/]' If voice and abrasive manner, build a lasting love relationship nationalities in his trophy room.   Because of some sexual innuen- and honor their commitments, Directed by Paul Miller as a one- r'lll'J|l I do, the USCC classification isA- not to mention the films vibrant man show for Leguiza/nos frantic   II -- adults and adolescents, portrait of a large and nurtur- antics, its witless stereotyping has .]  The MPAA rating is PG ing Mexican Catholic family: something to offend everyone. 1 parental guidance suggested. Sexual innuendo, occasional Comic violence, crude scatological profanity and an instance of humor, ethnic stereotyping, fleeting "Fools Rush In" (Columbia) rough language. The USCC clas- nudity and occasional profanity. NEW YORK (CNS) -- The fol- lowing are capsules of movies recently reviewed by the Office for Film and Broadcasting of the U.S. Catholic Conference (USCC). Rat- ings are also given for the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA). "Absolute Power  (Columbia) Sleek but shallow suspense drama in which a jewel thief (Clint Eastwood) secretly wit- nesses a murder implicating the president (Gene Hackman), then decides to ruin the White House cover-up, at the risk of his own life and that of his daughter (Laura Linney). Also produced and directed by East- wood, the fine performances can't quite cover the inconsis- tencies in the flawed narrative. Intermittent violence, including a stylized scene of sexual vio- lence, recurring profanity and occasional rough language. The USCC classification is A-IV -- adults, with reservations. The MPAA rating is R  restricted. rhe Beautician and the Beast" (Paramount) Inane romantic comedy with TV sitcom star Fran Drescher as a brassy New York cosmetician mistakenly hired to tutor the children of an Eastern European Marriage proves a daunting clash of cultures for a worka- holic WASP (Matthew Perry) nd his fiery Mexican wife (Salma Hayek) who wed in sification is A-III -- adults. The MPAA rating is PG-13 -- par- ents are strongly cautioned that some material may be inappro- priate for children under 13. The USCC classification is A-III -- adults. The MPAA rating is PC_,-13 parents are strongly cautioned that some material may be inap- propriate for children under 13. I "That Darn Cc a clue to kidnapping ated teen enlists the he FBI agent (D solving the the frisky fe Director remake of the overdoes the hem and ch attempt at slapstick vlc classification and a rating is pO ance Book Review By MICHAEL H. EPPLER Director, Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry | This book is a work of art. In the space of very few pages, Wilkes captures the essence and passion of being a )ew Catholic" living in the 90's. The book is truly about being a "good enough" Catholic. Wilkes calls the bap- tized to be "good enough" and not necessarily perfect. The passion- ate prose, extraordinary insights and invitation to the Divine cap- tured the heart and thoughts of this reviewer. Wilkes starts his Guide for the Perplexed with an excellent systemic approach. The book is divided into four sections: The Inner Life, the Daily Life, Life with Others, and the Church and You. Each section contains chapters that call the ordinary "good enough" Catholic to con- version and an opportunity to dialogue with the text and the tradition as he has distilled it. This book starts with the ordi- nary experiences of the extra. ordinary and coming to a scrip- tural relationship with Jesus as Human and Divine, then moves toward the fundamental experi- ence that Catholics have with their Church: the Eucharist. Throughout the text, Wilkes addresses Catholic thought and teaching on work, social justice, sacraments, marriage, life, death and authority. The strength of the text is its invitati0n to the reader to reflect on the content and to incorpo- rate the information into daily 'life. Perhaps the weakness of the book is that Wilkes presents Catholic tradition has he has reflected upon it. His reflection is good, but does not offer the fullness of Catholic thought and life. It is, as Wilkes would state it, "good enough." The bibliogra- phy and references, while con- temporary and very good, seem at times to be secondary or ter- tiary references which do not direct the reader to the Source Writer. This weakness should not deter anyone from reading this book. As a matter of fact, the reviewer was impelled to look deeper into the subject matter. Some excellent features of this book are the Internet Web- site listings for Catholic organi- zations, a detailed index, and an extensive bibliography. This is a must read. Even if you disagree with Wilkes' insights, they remain exceptional insights. If you are a Baby-Boomer who has been confused by some of the actions of the Catholic Church, this book is written to and for you. It is also to be rec- ommended for parish and small Christian community discussion groups. This is an excellent primer for volunteer ministers within the those evangelize x ronmentS. About Paul 11 numerous and d] ent including' nu8 versity's journalism" father of two, at St. Mary'S ington, N.C. The Good Enough Catholic. A Guide for the Perplexed. By Paul Wilkes. Ballantine Books, New York. Hardback, 354 pages, $25. This is a 'pew-Catholic' pri