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Evansville, Indiana
February 20, 1998     The Message
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February 20, 1998

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The Message -- for Catholics of Southwestern Indiana The aftermath of a marriage break-up By FATHER JOHN DIETZEN Catholic News Service parents recently were divorced a marriage troubled by communi- ism, alcoholism and father, a Catholic, has initiated which has greatly offend- (not Catholic), and I'm caught in the n c0nfiased how to handle this -- with joy that r ay become free to receive the sacraments of his two illegitimate chil- for my despondent mother, who .as eaningless at this point, and would suffer the consequences." , this for me. (Kansas) sad experience of your farmly is of the overwhelming individualism over our relationships. I Want, when I want, with no care or - damage done to others by my Ffor your hurt. As you know well, it is families today. Perhaps I but I can suggest a few thoughts for you and your mother to consider. You naturally want to be as loving as possible to both your parents. But your father has walked away from you and your mother, and apparently has been in that process for a long time. There's probably noth- ing you can do about that. So your first and main responsibility is to your- self and to your mother. She, most of all, needs to admit what I just said. Neither of you can control your father or what happens to him. Ultimately, each of us can control only ourselves. Fierce anger over this kind of abandonment is understandable. Your mother only heaps one tragedy on another, however, if she now lets her happiness and peace of heart depend on what her husband suf- fers or does. Should she allow bitterness and the desire for revenge to take over her life, she will harm only her- sell not him. It is sad to waste one's precious time, attention and energy on something futile. Even after such a painful rejection, your mother's life is meaningless only if she lets that happen. She still has life and health and talents, a whole world out there that needs what she has to give. She can find lots of reasons for life once she decides to look for them. The same, incidentally, goes for you. You don't say whether you are married and have your own family. If you do, some of these decisions should fall into place more easily than for your mother. Whatever your situation, I hope you can help her work through this, and that you both find some heal- ing and new strength. I'll pray for that. Question: My husband and I are in our early 20s. We are searching for some kind of volunteer work in the church, maybe for a year, preferably in another country. Is there a list of agencies or religious orders who can use someone like us? (New Jersey) Answer: There are several. The best, to my knowledge, is the 1998 Directory of the Catholic Net- work of Volunteer Service). It describes opportunities for young, adult and retired individuals and couples, in and outside the United States, and lasting from a few weeks to several years. You may write to them at 4121 Harewood Rd. NE, Washington D.C. 20017; or call 202-529-1100. A free brochure, in English or Spanish, outlining mar- riage regulations in the Catholic Church and explaining the promises in an interfaith marriage, is available by send- ing a stamped, self-addressed envelope to Father John Diet- zen, Holy Trinity Church, 704 N. Main St., Bloomington, Ill. 61701. Questions for this column should be sent to Father Dietzen at the same address. diocese settles lawsuits with five sex abuse victims 8erve The Dallas 11 that it million, sexual Robert J. Hughes, who were in the 1980s. day of court- rail- diocese third former in the Peebles agree- liabil- of Kos, otherwise roceed- t statement on Cases Bishop Dallas ..... 426-2.311 """ ' 47'011 ..... 426-0011 426-1011 477-2711 asked "all members of the dio- cese to join me in keeping these victims in our prayers." "This has been a difficult time for everyone involved," he added, "and an important step has been made today in resolv- ing a painful chapter in the his- tory of our diocese." The $5 million settlement involved five plaintiffs in four lawsuits. Three suits against the diocese, the U.S. Archdiocese for the Mil- itary Services and Dallas psy- chologist Ray McNamara were brought by four men who said they were molested as boys by Peebles while he was serving in the diocese and as a U.S. Army chaplain in the early 1980s. The fourth suit was brought against the diocese and McNa- mara by a woman who said she was sexually abused as a girl by Hughes in 1983-84. The diocese did not name the plaintiffs or say how much of "Something good is right on your way" DELICIOUS DONUTS, CAKES, BAGELS, & COOKIES the $5 million each received. It said its insurers, Lloyd's of Lon- don and Interstate Fire & Casu- alty Co., were involved in the settlement. Diocesan officials id the dio- cese's share of the settlement, $1.1 million, would be raised in part from the sale of undevel- oped properties. Peebles and Hughes have not requested laicization, but they have been permanently sus- pended from all priestly min- istry and are working in secular jobs. No criminal charges were brought against them. Kos is in the Dall County Jail: awaiting trial in March on crim- inal charges of child molestation in connection with some of the most recent allegations against him. The statute of limitations prevented the state from bring- ing charges against him on most of the allegations. The $118 million judgment against the diocese in the Kos case more than $154 million after inter- est is included. !t is the largest ver- dict ever awarded in a case of sex- ual abuse'by a Catholic priest. Volunteers needed for Big Garden By MARY ANN HUGHES Message staff writer Dale Oberbeck has a cheap alternative to a Florida spring break. He is extending an invitation to students and teachers to spend part of their holiday vol- unteering with the planting at the Big Garden. This is the second year for the garden which provides vegeta- bles to the poor. It is located on unused land in Oak Hill Ceme- tery, a city-run cemetery on Evansville's east side. Last year, Oberbeck obtained the use of two acres at the ceme- tery; this year, the garden will be more than double that size. Most of the plants and seeds are donated, and include toma- toes, lima beans, green beans, peas, carrots, beets, squash, kale, Swiss chard and green peppers. Oberbeck is also hoping to start a herb garden with "friendly herbs to help keep off the insects." There will also be an area for flow- ers such as marigolds and zinnias The garden is tended com- pletely by voltmteers, and Ober- beck is hoping that planting can begin the week of March 28. "Volunteers are needed from spring to fall, to plant, maintain and harvest the crops." To wlunteer for the garden, write Oberbeck at the Big Garden, Inc.; P.O. Box 2475; EvansviUe IN 47728-0475. Include your name, address, phone number, pari,, and days available to work. i { ! i i IIIIIIH All You Care To Eat Buffet Dining . FAMILY STYLE DINING AND A LA CARTE BANQUET ROOMS AVAILABLE PRE-ARRANGED AMISH TOURS FLEA MARKET EVERY TUES. & WED. 486-3977 Browse The Village Shops Just off Hwy. 50 Every Monday Seniors receive 15% offl in Montgomery, IN X Nil i I I i I ii I i i DEWIG BROS. PACKING CO. MEAT BEEF AND PORK HAUBSTADT, INDIANA Family and Business Insurance Needs m HELFRICH  Insurance Agency ImBll 464-5993