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January 14, 1994     The Message
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January 14, 1994

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The Message Monthly -- for Catholics of Southwestern Indiana - -- On The Record- ANOTHER SAD LOVE SONG Coping with a breakup Since you been gone/I been hanging around here lately/With my mind messed up Jumped in my car/Tried to clear my mind/Didn't help me/I guess I'm all messed up now baby/Soon as I jumped into my ride/Those memories start to play/A song comes on/On the radio/And there you are baby once again Refrain: It's just another sad love song/Rockin' my brain like crazy/Guess I'm all torn up/Be it fast or slow/It doesn't let go or shake me/And it's all because of you Since you've been gone/I keep thinkin' about you baby/Gets me all choked up/This heart of mine keeps dreamin' of you/And it's crazy/You'd think I'd had enough/As soon as I get you out of my head/I'm in my car again/Just one request from the radio/I'm back in love sugar once again (REPEAT REFRAIN) Here comes the strings/Then somebody sings/Only takes a beat/And then it starts killin' me darlin'/Only takes one note, I tell yaJFrom that radio/it's Just Another By CHARLIE MARTIN CNS COLUMNIST i Lonely Love song Written by: Babyface, Daryl Simmons Sung by" Toni Braxton Copyright (c) 1993 by LaFace Records Imagine this scene. You've just broken up with someone who means a lot to you. You still think of this person often. In fact. every time a love song plays on the radio, memories flood your mind and tears fill your eyes. Most of us have had such experiences. Maybe that is why Toni Braxton's "Another Sad Love Song" rose near the top of the charts. We can iden- tify with what the person in the song feels. The song reminds me how vulnerable we are during times of grieving a loss. What can help us through such times is to know how to manage these feelings. When possible, we need to avoid situations or people that add to our hurt. For example, if the two of you used to frequent certain dance spots, skip these locations, at least for a while. If hanging out at the local arcade was your special activity, pick a different interest. Healing takes time. We can help the process by being gentle with ourselves. Don't force yourself to pretend that everything is OK. Make choices that protect you from intensifying the feeling of loss. Of course, not everything is available to As the song suggests, we can't control come over the radio. Certain when they come upon us by surprise, trigger hurtful feelings. When this happens, once more, yourself. Many times we are helped by pain. Talk with a trusted friend about feeling. If this is not possible in the im call your friend later in the day. process is to face the hurt inside us, but we have to go through these feelings all alone. As a pastoral counselor, people in often ask me how long the hurt will last. the question in the context of the der: "When will I be able to listen not be concerned about what songs There is no sure answer. However to guide you in making decisions that heal, the time is shortened. There will when your life is new again. The love radio will speak more of promise than been lost. 'Bridges, Slow Waltz: Lies and more lies about sex and adultery By JOSEPH R. THOMAS Catholic News Service Picture this scene: A middle- aged Iowa college professor who lives alone except for a cat, a dog and a motorcycle he keeps in his living room, is calling the mother he says is two years from a nursing home (the thought that she might be able to live with him appar- ently never having crossed his mind). He is calling at Thanksgiv- ing not to greet her but to tell her that this year, for the first time in 20 years, he will not be home for Christmas because he has to go to India right away and doesn't know when hel be back. Although the mother's hearing is failing, she detects an urgency in her son's voice and says, "Michael, don't tell me you've finally found a spe- cial lady for yourself." If this sounds reasonable to you, then perhaps the major theme of Robert James Waller's "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend" (Warner Books, $16.95) may also seem reasonable. The premise is this: that the self- centered professor's lust for a colleague's wife is such that l00aYol.ow BECHER & KLUF.00NER FUNERAL HOME Downtown Chapel, 214 E. 7th North Chapel, 33rd Newton i when she bolts for India, its se- crets and its vastness, he driven by memories of love on the kitchen table and the mo- torcycle -- sets off in torrid pursuit, packing three shirts, an extra pair of pants, a flash- light and a knife. So many people have bought into this plot that as recently as Christmastime Waller ranked No. 1 and No. 2 on the best-seller lists with "Slow Waltz" and his year-old "The Bridges of Madison County" (same publisher, same price). Likewise set in Iowa and likewise dealing with adultery, the principals of the first tale are a roving photographer and the Italian-born farm wife he happens across. (Her husband and two kids conveniently are gone to the state fair.) The photographer is Robert Kincaid, also middle-aged and something of a dreamer and a poet. The college professor in "Slow Waltz" is Michael Till- man. Both are viewed as ec- centrics (long hair has its drawbacks). Thanks to the pri- mal urgings coursing through their veins -- "Darwinian logic," in Waller's words both are blown away through , KREMPP LUMBER CO. WHOLESALE BUILDING MATERIAL DIS- TRIBUTION & GENERAL CONTRACTING YARD CONSTRUCTION 482-1961 482-6939 JASPER LUMBER CO. COMPLETE BUILDING SERVICE Ph: 482-1125 RT. 4, JASPER ii first contact with the women who are to define their lives. The women are Francesca Johnson (in "Bridges") and Jel- lie Braden ("Slow Waltz"). They too are middle-aged. Nei- ther (surprise) is a shrinking violet. Both (surprise again) are married to drones -- nice enough fellows, as drones go, but utterly staid and lacking in the magnetism of Kincaid and Tillman. There is a temptation to note the erotic nature of both books the sudsy sentimentalism of "Bridges" and the absence of substance in "Slow Waltz" -- and dismiss them simply as es- capist. However, because of their success it seems impor- tant to point out that both books are, in a sense, immoral, not because they deal with adultery, an abiding and legiti- mate literary theme, but be- cause they lie about the human condition. "Bridges" lies in proposing that one can not only engage in an adulterous affair without guilt, regret or remorse but can hold on to it and even ritualize it without doing serious dam- age to the existing marriage. "Slow Waltz" lies by defining lust as love and by implying that irresponsibility is a neces- sary adjunct to true passion and such passion not only ex- plains but excuses hypocrisy. t t,i (Your comments are always welcome" address: Charlie Martin, RR3, Box 182, port, Ind. 47635.) CTNA offerings: Life E Human Sexuality, New E Human Sexuality, Life Choices, the New Cate- chism, and a Spanish maga- zine-style television pro- gram are all part of the current season on the Catholic Telecommunica- tions Network of America. Human Sexuality: Four programs on the U.S. bish- ops' document, "Human Sexuality: A Catholic Per- spective for Education and Lifelong Learning," will be transmitted by CTNA in February. The programs include practical questions facing parents and educators and how to handle the difficult issues sexually active teens, homosexuality and personal dissent from Church teach- ing. Patricia Miller and Richard Sparks are the pre- senters. The programs will be transmitted on Thurs- days at 3:30 p.m. CST, starting Feb. 3. Life Choices: This series examines the decision-mak- SCHNEIDER HEATING & A/C, INC. RESIDENTIAL COMMERCIAL INDUSTRIAL 118 W. FRANKLIN STREET EVANSVILLE, IN 47710 ing process moments, pro Golden Dome are days at 2 p.m. New CateCl Catechism Church"  pe most eagerly cation in yearS" ject of a series on CTNA. Catholic America and symposium Programs are on W CST. (The 12.) ' Nuestra Ff Spanish gram explores ily life. It is Hispanic Tel tions NetW01 mitted on p.m. CST. Most cTNA available, ur C-band Transponder band Transpon CTNA rized to use ruing. For more contact Office of Diocese 424-5536, or q Industrial, TONY NA 0RIO 812-768-520 24 HR. SERVICE (812) 428-2665 JEFF SCHNEIDER i