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January 10, 1992     The Message
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January 10, 1992

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The Message -- for Catholics of Southwestern Indiana Entertai----ntnme On the Record By CHARLIE MARTIN Catholic News Service Columnist NO SON OF MINE Well the key to my survival/Is never much in doubt/The question was how I could keep saue/Trying to find a way out/Things were never easy for me/Peace of mind was hard to find/And I needed a place where I could hide/Somewhere I could call mine/didn't think much about it/Till it started happening all the time/Soon I was living with the fear everyday/Of what might happen that nighta couldn't stand to hear her crying,/My mother, and I remember when/I swore that would be the last he'd see of me/And I never went home again/They said time is a healer/And now my wounds are not the same/I rang the bell with my heart in my mouthfl had to hear what he would say/He sat me down to talk to me/He looked me straight in the eye/He said: REFRAIN: You are no son/You are no son of mine You are no son/You are no son of mine When you walked out/You left us be- hind/You are no son of mine/Oh his words how they hurt me/rll never for- get/And as the time went by/I lived to regret/You are no son/You are no son of mine/Oh, where should I go and what should I do/You are no son/You are no son of mine/Oh I can't live for her,/i can't live for you Well the years, they passed by so slowly/i thought about him everyday/What would I do if we passed on the street/Would I keep running away/In and After parental rejection: Reaching the injured child out of hiding places?/Soon I have to face the facts We had to sit down and talk it over/And that would mean going back/They say that time is a healer/And my wounds are not the same/I rang the bell with my heart in my mouth/i had to hear what hesaid (REPEAT REFRAIN) Written by Tony Banks, Phil Collins, Michael Rutherford Sung by Genesis Copyright (c) 1991 by Anthony Banks LTD, Phil Collins LTD, Michael Rutherford, LTD and Hit and Run Music LTD Listening to Phil Collins' "No Son of Mine" can be difficult. Its words nfight strike close to your heart. If you are currently living in a hurting family, or if you grew up in a home where emo- tional abuse occurred, the song might bring you to a new encounter with this pain. The song relates the story of a teen who lives "with the fear everyday of what might happen that night." He can no longer stand to hear the fighting between his parents and especially the abuse that comes from his father. He decides to leave home. He seeks some peace of mind and a place to hide from all the pain. Eventually, he feels a need to return, most likely hoping for a reconciliation with his par- ents. However, his father rejects him com- pletely, stating, "You are no son of mine." :t. Whether an individual is young or alrea, I grown to adulthood, parental rejection deopl | injures. With its words comes this message: Y!(i | are no good and unworthy of love. 1 t No matter how recent or how long ao, th0, pain haunts one's present life. When we'jook)!] ! beyond many individuals' struggles with addC!'t i tion, you find this injured child. 'l t I want to roach out to any teen or adult w:h reads this column and identifies with the hut: in the song. Much help and support is availab!lg to you. God wants to give you the gift of heali and will assist you in finding it. Many of us, injured as children, are receiV ing healing through being involved in support groups, 12-Step groups and/or working witla trained professionals. Healing starts when you tell a trusted the truth of your feelings If you feel that ther is no one currently in yotlr life thal you can do this with. look in the yellow pages of the book under "family counseling." Caring compassionate professionals are present communities who can help you. Doing this takes courage. God will give yO0 this courage and guide your path to recovery. [ I (Your comments are always welcome, : ii Please write: Charlie Martin, R.R. 3, Box 18", !1 Rockport, IN 47635.) EMBATTLED PARADISE: THE AMERICAN FAMILY IN AN AGE OF UNCERTAINTY, By Arlene Skolnick. Basic Books (New York, 1991). 284 pp., $23.00. Reviewed by Mary Kenny, Catholic News Service Every day in the media, critics of modern family life try to explain what is wrong with the Amer'can family. They assert that families are in trouble today because peo- ple are too selfish and self- (:entered to care about each other. Or -- another popular charge -- the increase in sex- ual promiscuity, alcohol and drug abuse, crime and delin- quency are due to the decline in old-fashioned family ral- lies. If these statements reflect your views, you owe it to yourself to read Arlene Skol- nick's book, "Embattled Par- adise: The American Family in an Age of Uncertainty." Skolnick, a sociologist, sug- gests that the problems of the family occur because family 'Embattled Paradise' offers insight into family life recommended for anyOla.e family ministry or for alayu  J ,adlP seeking greater underst.'" ife and insight into family "" l Pharmacy | 217 E. Main St. - Downtown Washington Phone: 254-5141 life, must be lived under ever- changing and difficult cir- cumstances in society, Taking a non-judgmental approach and backing her statements with extensive and careful research, Skol- nick traces the changes in so- ciety over the past 200 years and the ways in which the family has coped with those changes, Today families deal with the problems of caring for aged relatives, providing for an adequate retirement, and staying healthy and fit. None of these issues arose when people expected to die in their 40s or 50s or even, as a generation ago, when people seemed "old" at 65. Today, for the first time in human history, people have the po- tential to live a healthy and active life into their 70s and beyond. Many problems chal- lenging families today occur because of a change in soci- ety, frequently a change for the better. Perhaps the most pervasive misconception alive today is that people no longer care about their families. "When people are polled about the most important elements in a good life, they place family values  'a happy marriage,' love, and emotional support -- at the top of the list. Through all the years of dra- matic changes in the leading family indicators, surveys have shown that about 90 to 95 percent of young men and women -- the alleged Me generation -- have planned to marry. National surveys also show that, once married, the vast majority of people report being 'very satisfie(t' or 'very happy' with their marriages." On the other hand, the fam- ily is not without problems. Actually, says Skolnick, the : JASPEnSERWCE i I Ili I IH H I I Buehlers I.G.A. "THE THRIFTY HOUSEWIFE'S SOURCE OF SAVINGS" QUALITY FOODS AND MEATS Also Huntingburg and Oakland City BECHER & KLUESNER FUNERAL HOME Downtown Chapel, 214 E. 7th North Chapel, 33rd Newton KREMPP LUMBER CO. WHOLESALE BUILDING MATERIAL DIS- TRIBUTION & GENERAL CONTRACTING YARD CONSTRUCTION 482-1961 482-6939 JASPER LUMBER CO. COMPLETE BUILDING SERVICE Ph: 482-1125 RT. 4, JASPER family is fragile -- more frag- ile than society generally rec- ognizes. The United States alone among developed na- tions expects the family to fend for itself without govern- ment help. Skolnick defines problem areas which govern- ment must address, problems which will become national policy issues in the 1990s. Her well-written book is a pleasure to read, a book you won't want to put down. It's today. # Mary Kennv is a writer f family hfe and co-autla :IV the CNS column "Far" Talk." prepaid from Basic Bv.L Keystone Industria] P, Of 3 Scranton, PA 18512. Ado" for shipping and llandlia' EVANSVILLE SERVICE AND SHOPPING GUIDE FOR THE BEST PLUMBING SERVICE RESIDENTIAL COMMERCIAL (FREE ESTIMATES) GRANT PLUMBING CO. 484 S. GOVERNOR AT CANAL Ph. 424-2441 Spaldings Food Land 2100 Stringtown 1 71 3 E. Morgan 411 S. Barker Visit Our Complete Delicatessen Prime Cuts of Be( Evansville Wet Heat & Piping Co. Inc. New & Used Boilers, Furnaces Repair & Replacement 424-0991 800 E. Oregon I i Carpet Cleaning SERVICE MASTER For Free Estimates Call 428-0900 Sales & Service TV & 2-Way FM 1916 W. FRANKL!N STREET i PHONE (6t2).23 7600.t_.II, l Herman Goebel l i Motor Co. NEW OR USEI) CARS Where the best deals are made Trade up o: down Bank Finoncmg  2001 W. Delaware 4 M&S Fire & Safety Equip. Co. Inc, Over 25 years sales and servicein the Tri-state _. 670 E. 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